i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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