are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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