Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
