I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
