Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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