My room smells like vodka and shame
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
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How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
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just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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