Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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