The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
