This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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