bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
