Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
