i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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