i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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