I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
