he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
