I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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