you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i think i just lost a toe
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
