Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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