dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
