1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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