I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
40s are totally the cure
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize