The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
