My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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