I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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