called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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