So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
COCAINE IS GR8
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
