I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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