I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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