I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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