All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
