yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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