Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
