i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
