No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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