How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
