he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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