In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
