after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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