i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
