oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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