No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize
