he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
