Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
