Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
