just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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