Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You dont lie about slip and slides
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
