No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
