Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
