is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
