Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
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I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
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You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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