i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Randomize
