I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
