Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
North Korea, Best Korea!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
