You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
