He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
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Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
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Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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