Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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