i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
