I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
