I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
