Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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