someone get that fucking seahorse.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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