Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
