Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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