hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
